Derby Day Party
Pete’s Candy Store (709 Lorimer St., Brooklyn)
Delicate Ladies! Stalwart Men!
What is that bright perfume in the air?
What is this glorious tonic in my blood?
Is the sky really the color of bluebells?
It can only mean one thing: That the most glorious day of the year is once more upon us!
Yes, friends: IT’S KENTUCKY DERBY DAY! Being that most perspicacious of days, when the colts—and the occasional liberated filly—race for the roses! Come join us at PETE’S CANDY STORE for our 6th annual Kentucky Derby Festivities. The diversions are as ample as a debutante’s creamed bosom, all offered in tribute to the 90 second eternity that is the Derby itself, and include:
* The Ladies Millinery Competition, in which finely be-hatted women compete for the reward of a Bar Tab, as determined by our celebrity judge, Rabbi Moishe O’Malley!
* The ever popular Bluegrass Blue-Plate Special, featuring home-made Bourbon Ribs, Louisville Potato Salad, and Derby Pie (with whipped cream), for a civilized price!
* Pete’s Paddock, being a riotous fount of horse-sense where even the most uncivil might yet improve themselves, as regards the vagaries of equine competition
The Hooker’s Handicapp, a useless trove of opinionated poetic nonsense
The Idiot Stakes, in which a dollar buys the chance to win, should you lose…
* …and, of course, Parimutuel Distractions, to uplift us from quotidian miseries and help ease the burden of this mortal coil…